Late to the Party

Public Service Announcement - SPN Fic Rec

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 05:23:03 GMT

For those of you who prefer your SPN fic het and hot, allow me to direct your attention to the amazing Wincester fic "Shot Through the Heart" by softbluebuddy. This fic hasn't gotten nearly the attention it should. Not only is it very well written, it's sexy as all get-out. It's a story of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for one person to explore their secret sexual fantasies with just the right partner. The OFC is very appealing, there's sex and more sex, and even a threesome. It's a kink-fest, it's a love story, and it's just so good. Check it out at SBB's journal.

Nearly a Year and a Half Later - My Second Fic

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 04:19:16 GMT

Title: Dust
Pairing: Spangel
Rating: PG
Word Count: Just over 2,300
Warnings: Slight references to M/M.
Summary: Takes place during ATS 5 following the episode Time Bomb. Kind of a missing scene I wished there'd been.

Dust

As was his habit, Spike hung around Wolfram and Hart all evening watching the various demon and human employees shut down their laptops, clear off their desks, and head for the elevators. Some left alone, some in groups, going home or out to a bar or some other activity. It was a hard time of day for Spike, for two reasons. One, it was evening, and being a creature of the night, he was just coming alive when everyone else was tired and looking forward to some down time. Secondly, no one ever asked him along. Not the typing pool or the guys in Accounts or, really, even any of Angel’s team. Sometimes Spike could get Angel to offer him a drink, and sometimes Angel offered to share his body and his bed. Sometimes they went out for the drink, and sometimes – when Angel felt like slumming – they’d crash at Spike’s place.

Tonight it was late, and the place was nearly empty. Wes was still obsessively watching over what was left of Illyria after they sucked her power out of her earlier that day and sent it to who knows which pocket universe. Gunn had left in a pissy mood after telling a pregnant woman that the firm wasn’t going to do anything to stop her baby from being given to a bunch of ugly demons. And Angel hadn’t made his presence known since the dust had settled – quite literally, it seemed – down in the training room. The cleaning crew had come and gone, and the lights in the offices had started dimming automatically due to the lack of movement on the floors. Spike had been there this late before, many times before if truth be told, and he had made a game of trying to move slowly enough so as to not trigger the motion detectors to turn the lights back up. He was playing this game again tonight, moving as slowly and as smoothly as he could, walking the hallways and trailing his hand along the paneled walls.

He had wanted to invite Angel out for a drink. Angel had been particularly testy that day for some reason, and Spike thought a stiff drink in a quiet, out of the way bar would be just the ticket. He was even going to buy, but Angel must have buggered off without Spike seeing him because he was nowhere to be found. As Spike entered the lobby, he decided that Angel would buy him a drink instead and headed to Angel’s office to help himself to some of Angel’s whiskey.

As he pushed open the door to Angel’s darkened office, Spike pulled up short. Angel was there. He was sitting on the back of one of the red leather chairs in front of his desk, looking out at the brightness that was the City of Angels at nighttime. Angel didn’t acknowledge Spike in any way but Spike knew he knew he was there. He walked over and stood silently next to Angel joining him in his contemplation of his city.

“What’s all this, then?” Spike ventured after several minutes during which Angel did not acknowledge his presence. Spike knew why – he’d smelled the faint scent of Angel’s tears and he knew that Angel wouldn’t want to acknowledge him because he would have to admit to the fact that he was crying. Spike was just about to give up and try a different tack when Angel said, “I saw your dust, Spike.”

“Say what?”

“I saw it, Spike. I saw Wes’s blood and Lorne’s and I saw your dust. Yours, and mine.” Angel turned his head and looked at Spike, the lights of the city reflecting brightly in his damp eyes. “I saw your dust!”

Spike looked at Angel obliquely. “I didn’t happen, luv. We made it through, thanks to you.”

“It didn’t happen here, Spike,” Angel said with vehemence, “but it happened somewhere. In some other timeline or pocket universe or…or…somewhere else, but it happened. I. Saw. Your. Dust. It brought back what I felt when Buffy called to tell me about…what you did…at the Hellmouth. I couldn’t – I just wouldn’t have been able to…This job…this job is hard enough without…I don’t know what I would have done – what I would do – if I had to lose you twice in one year.”

Angel put a hand over his eyes and made to turn away. Spike closed the gap between them reaching out with both hands to capture Angel’s biceps in a firm grip on each side. Angel struggled weakly to get away, then allowed Spike to yank him into a close embrace, his face buried in the side of Spike’s neck. He didn’t sob or even weep but breathed in shuddering breaths for several minutes before he pushed out of Spike’s hold and turned his face to the shadows of the room. Spike didn’t allow him to break free, though, and said neutrally, “You need a drink, luv. How ’bout we go find a nice, sleazy bar and knock back a couple of bottles of whiskey?”

Angel looked over his shoulder at the piles of paperwork on his desk.

“It’ll still be there tomorrow, Angel. Now get yer coat.”

“And then she says, ‘No, vampire, you were last,’ in that imperious way she has and I looked where she was pointing and there was another pile of dust which must have been mine.”

Spike and Angel were just starting their second bottle of whiskey as Angel recounted the events of the day as he experienced them and Spike was leaning back against the upholstery on his side of booth they’d selected in a dark corner of the bar. He was laughing with delight at Angel’s spot-on imitation of Illyria. “Oh, luv, I had no idea you could do that,” he crowed.

“Do what?” Angel asked, although Spike could tell from his expression that Angel knew exactly what he meant and was pleased with Spike’s praise.

“That. Illyria. You sounded bloody just like her. I didn’t know you could do that.”

“After a couple of centuries of watching people you pick up a few tricks,” Angel said twirling whiskey around in his glass.

“Well, you’re bloody observant, then.”

“Not really.” Angel paused, lost in thought again. He’d done this repeatedly throughout the consumption of the first bottle, and Spike had had to ply him with questions to keep him talking, hoping to get to the bottom of what was bothering his sire so much. It couldn’t only be the vision of Spike’s dusting, since he was clearly there and whole and undead, just like always. Angel surprised him, then, when he looked up and asked, “Wes asked you to help him?”

“When? Oh, you mean in the lab? Well, yeah, he did.”

“Why?”

Spike sat back in his seat, a little stung. “Why did he need help, or why did he ask me?”

“Both,” Angel replied. “Neither. What I mean is, did you know he wasn’t planning to kill her?” he asked.

“He said he was concerned about Illyria being able to contain her power now that she was in Fred’s –” and here Spike stopped to frown into his drink for a moment. He took a quick gulp of whiskey from his glass and looked up at Angel before continuing, “In Fred’s body, and he had come up with a way to drain off some of it so she wouldn’t destroy us all.”

Angel’s eyes narrowed. “He lied to me.”

Spike sighed. “He did what he thought he had to do, luv. What he thought was necessary for the good of all.”

“I didn’t know you even knew how to use a computer,” Angel said, looking Spike in the eye.

Covering, while trying to catch up as Angel changed topics, Spike took another swallow of his drink. “I’m not as dumb as I pretend to be, Angel,” he said holding his sire’s gaze. “I thought you knew that by now.”

“I do know. I should know stuff like that. I’ve been so out of touch, Spike. I should have known about Wes and Fred. I should have known that Knox was a danger. Should have known the Senior Partners were up to something without having Lindsey tell me. Lindsey, of all people! Oh, he must have been loving that,” Angel said shaking his head in disgust, then tossing back the rest of his drink and slamming his glass down on the table. Spike reached over and picked up the bottle and refilled both of their glasses. Now they were getting somewhere.

“‘I slew the white-haired one first’,” Angel murmured, once again swirling the brown liquid around in his glass.

“What’s that, luv?”

“That’s what Illyria said when we appeared in the training room in the parallel time version where we were all dead.” He stopped to take a pull from his drink, putting the glass back on the table and rolling it between his hands. Then he looked up at Spike and repeated, “‘I slew the white-haired one first’. When we walked into the training room in our timeline and I looked around and saw everyone standing where I’d seen their blood – our dust. I – I,” Angel took a deep breath. “I knew what was coming and I – well, you were there,” he said testily. He leaned back and wiped one hand over his face and shook his head as if to banish what he was seeing behind his eyes.

“So she really took us all out, then?” Spike asked. “That must have been something to see. I wouldn’t have though it would be possible.”

“So you said. You never learn, do you Spike? You trained with for her for how many days now, and you still didn’t believe she could kill you?” Angel shook his head. “You always did think you were invincible. How many times have I told you not to take stupid chances?” Angel asked with fond exasperation.

“Um, clearly not enough, luv,” Spike smirked back at him, equally fondly.

“Spike, even a vampire can be killed in a heartbeat if you don’t look out for what’s happening all around you. When are you going to learn to guard your…” Angel trailed off and was lost in thought again.

Spike fiddled with his own glass for several minutes while watching Angel from under his lashes, then said softly, “You should have gone for Wes, first. He was the one with the gun that was supposed to kill her.” He lifted his head and looked at Angel. “Why didn’t you?”

“The truth? I just reacted. I was just being me, being Angel, the vampire who’s so full of himself he thinks he can save everyone. And you know what?” He looked up, almost startled. “I can’t. I can’t save everyone. And you’re right; I should have gone for Wes. I should have sacrificed you to make sure that Wes would live long enough to kill Illyria. And yeah, it worked out alright, but it was just dumb luck. I can’t count on luck if I’m going to do what I set out to do.” He took a deep breath. “I learned some things today. Illyria told me some things I needed to hear, some things I needed to understand if I’m going to accomplish what we came to Wolfram and Hart to do. Even if that means sacrificing you and Wes and Gunn and everyone else to do it.” There was a loud crack and Angel looked in surprise at the glass he’d crushed in his hand, whiskey mixing with his blood on the table amidst the shattered pieces.

Spike reached over and wrapped a napkin around Angel’s hand where he was bleeding. “Is that the vampire who’s full of himself talking, luv?” he asked gently.

Angel looked up at him sharply, and then his faced smoothed over and his eyes became guarded. He smiled. “It’s the vampire who’s had too much to drink,” he said. “What do you say we call it a night?”

Spike eyed him levelly for a moment. Seeming to make some kind of decision, he asked, “You want to go back to the comfort of the penthouse or come flop in privacy at my place?” When he didn’t get an answer, he dipped his head and offered quietly, “Or neither…?”

“Neither,” Angel said standing up. Taking Spike by the elbow, he pulled him to him. “Tonight I want something that offers us both. Let’s go to Beverly Hills and get a room at Chateau Marmont. I’m feeling the need to teach my childe, once again, a few things about guarding his perimeter,” Angel said brightly, slapping Spike on the ass. “I think we’re going to need a king-sized bed and a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.”

Several hours later, Spike lay awake in the dim early-morning light spilling from behind the curtains of their luxury suite. Angel was asleep in his arms amid the tangle of the bedding. Spike thought about the things Angel had said that evening, and about the things he didn’t say. Angel was planning something, that much was certain. They’d made love in the hours after they checked into their room, which was something they rarely did. They had sex frequently, but that wasn’t what they had done this night. Tonight it was love-making, and more than anything Angel had said, Spike knew this meant Angel didn’t think his plan was going to end well, and Spike was afraid. Afraid for Angel, afraid that Angel was going to do something stupid that would get himself killed. But not if Spike had anything to do about it. Spike would be at Angel’s side, no matter what stupid plan Angel had come up with. He’d guard Angel’s poufy perimeter for a change, and he’d do it until they both were dust. With that thought, he wrapped Angel tighter in his arms and went to sleep.

Am I the Only One Who Didn't Know This?

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 05:08:15 GMT

Or did I read it wrong? I was reading the transcript of the interview with James Marsters from this week's issue of TV Guide over at www.whedon.info and James is going to be in a second episode of Torchwood this season? And possibly more next season? (TV Guide: You return later this season, but will you be back next season?) I was hoping for more episodes with Captain John, but one doesn't always get what one wants, does one?

Spike Shadow Puppets

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 17:56:31 GMT

I just read the third issue of IDW's "Spike Shadow Puppets". This series is laugh-out-loud funny. The writers are definitely fans, because they capture the characters so well.

There are a couple of tributes to us included. The last line of the book is this: Our battle will be the stuff of legend and fan-fiction!

The best is the teaser for next month's issue - subtitled "Puppet vs. Puppet" - which they've billed as "PVP". :-)

James on "Saving Grace"

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 02:31:40 GMT

I watched "Saving Grace" Monday night just to see James. Can't say as I am likely to watch the show again, but it was so great to see James again. It's been a long time since I've seen him work and I had forgotten how good he is. His scenes were short and not very well written, and yet he was able convey all of the missing information through the emotion of his performance. Nice.

Looking for a fic called "Sherwood"...

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 06:26:00 GMT

About three or four weeks ago I read a great Spangel fic called 'Sherwood' but I've lost track of it. I was busy at the time and didn't get to comment on it, plus I just want to read it again. Help, please. Who wrote it? Where was it posted?

How to tell you're reading too much porn.

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 03:26:15 GMT

I was at Tully's today ordering a latte and as I was standing at the cash register waiting for the person to ring up my order I was admiring the prepaid coffee cards they sell. There were a lot different ones with really pretty pictures and cute sayings - kind of like icons, actually - and I looked over and there was one that said 'handcuffs something'. Huh? I looked again and, disappointingly, it said 'handcrafted coffee'. Oh. Oh well. I was nicely buzzed as I walked back to the office, and it wasn't just from the coffee.

Spike and Angel - My One True Pairing

Thu, 31 May 2007 04:43:10 GMT

I came so late to BTVS fandom that Buffy and Angel were over by the time I started watching. I didn't even like Angel (too broody and long-suffering) at that time anyway. I was definitely in the camp of wanting Buffy and Spike to get together, so much so that I didn't really get how twisted their relationship was at the time. (In my own defense, this largely due to the fact that I was still watching only intermittently at the time.)  When Buffy and Spike finally started to have a somewhat more normal relationship in Season 7 and I realized that it was never going to work for them and I knew that S7 was the last one - that's when I started to look around the internet for more. I have to say that from the very first slash fic I read I was hooked.  Spangel just made sense to me.
I feel very strongly that human/vampire relationships do not and cannot work.  One party always has too much power over the other. The slayer/vampire pairing is no exception. Here, in fact, the power imbalance is even more evident, because both parties are each other's archetypal "mortal enemy". Along the same lines, NFA stories where one Shanshus and the other doesn't are also problematic, although here it's more because one of them will die and leave the other one behind.

So that's why other pairings don't work. Why does Spangel work for me?

It's because they can be real with each other. Sure, more often than not, they're winding each other up and cutting each other down. I think a lot of that has to do with their own insecurities. (Which is another topic altogether, because, god, are they ever insecure.) But they do demonstrate a need to be together. We didn't see too much of it in the Buffy years, although Spike's tirade to Faith and Buffy in "Dirty Girls" in S7 ("I'm nothing like Angel") definitely falls into the category of 'methinks he doth protest too much".  A couple of nights ago I was watching "Lover's Walk" and was amazed at how Angel cannot take his eyes off of Spike. He keeps looking at him as if he's trying to read Spike's thoughts. This is the first time they've seen each other since Angelus made his appearance and they each have reasons to be angry with the other for things that they did to each other during that time. And yet the underlying tone of their interaction during that episode is gentle and respectful. And of course Angel stops Buffy's attempts to kill Spike, which considering how half-hearted they are, is actually quite endearing.

They work together well. Angel chooses Spike to go with him to the Deeper Well, and he does it as if it is a given that Spike is the only choice he would make. Angel takes him to rescue Lindsey from hell and they work together like a well-oiled machine. Angel offers Spike as the person to test Illyria, and I don't think that it is because it is because he doesn't care what Illyria will do to him, but rather that he knows Spike can do the job. He respects him.

In the most poignant moment in ATS S5, Angel turns to Spike for guidance at the Deeper Well when Angel realizes he has to let Fred die in order to save thousands. Spike gently tells him that even though they often think they are, they're not big enough to make that kind of decision. And when they get back, even though Angel has tried to get Spike to leave, Spike tells him that he will stay and fight by his side without making Angel ask him to.

And stay he does, to the bitter end. No matter how much Angel makes a big show of trying to push Spike away, Spike stays. Do we even need to wonder why? No, because Spike tells us why in his very first meeting with Angel in "School Hard". He looks up to him and respects him and defers to him and that never changes.

So what kind of Spangel fic do I like? My tastes are evolving, the more I read. I like NFA stories a lot; more so now that a while back. I like AU as well, and I don't have any problem with RPS. But when it comes to true Spangel, I like a story that includes both their vampire attributes and some genuine interpersonal interaction between them. Where they can be easy with each other, but behave like vampires from time to time because that is their nature.

My One and Only Fic

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:07:38 GMT

Title: Glamour
Pairing: None really. It's just Spike thinking about Angel
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Summary: Takes place during ATS 5 during the episode Power Play. Just a moment that was very poinant to me.

No. His first thought is ‘no’. No, I can’t. No, you can’t ask me that. It’s too soon. He has to look away – to look at the floor – to process what’s being asked of him. Angel, of all people, should know. Two years isn’t enough. If a hundred years isn’t enough to make up for the evil’s been done, how can two years be enough? But he knows his real answer will be ‘yes’, even if ‘yes’ burns in his chest like sunlight through a crystal, chokes him as if he is drowning and suffocating at the same time and he actually needs to breathe.

He knows he should be the first one to raise his hand – to agree to what Angel is asking. After all, he’s the childe. The most favored. Even if Angel hasn’t been doing much favoring lately. Angel is his sire – grandsire, whatever. Angel will be expecting him to agree/obey before anyone. To set the example for the others. And he has the least to lose, hasn’t he? He’s been alive in one fashion or another for almost 150 years. He’s had more time than most. Not as much as Angel with his 250-plus years. Not to mention his – what was it? – hundred years in Hell? Five hundred? Is it any wonder Angel has the stones to ask this of them? Of him? How can burning up in the Hellmouth compare to five hundred years in Hell?

Okay, if he’s going to do this, then there are a few things he wants from Angel before it’s over. Like acknowledgement, to begin with. Acknowledgement that he’s worth something. That he matters. That they meant something to each other, once. Even if it was a long time ago. Or not so long. Angel picked him to go with him to the Deeper Well, didn’t he? And after that they went to Italy together. They talked a bit, on the plane; talked about the past, about a time when things were good between them, when they were almost equals. Feels like they’re equals now, although Angel’s never said it. Never acknowledged that they’re the same except to say the soul – his soul! – wasn’t worth mentioning. Even after they fought over the cup (although it wasn’t really the cup they were fighting about and they both knew it). He’d won. He beat Angel, and Angel still said nothing. All he’s asking for is what he’s been asking for, seems like, forever. Since York. Since China. Hell, since Sunnydale. Angel’s approval. For Angel to say that he approves of him. If it’s not love, okay, it’s not. But some acknowledgement of worth. To say that it all mattered. That he matters.

Now he sees there is so little time. He’s going to have to work fast to get Angel to a place where he can say such a thing. Because he knows he’s going to have to show Angel that he has such feelings. So, to start with, he will say yes. He will sign up for this suicide mission. Will be the first to agree to what Angel is asking of him. Of them. As he goes to raise his hand he finds it’s already in the air. Sees in the periphery of his vision that the others are following his lead and raising theirs, one by one. And he’s sorry, for them. They’re all going to die and he could have stopped it. He could have done what he’s always done. Said no. Thwarted Angel. Defied Angel. Resisted Angel. But he couldn’t. He can’t. This time he can’t. And he’s damning the others along with himself. Taking them with him to Hell if that’s where they’re destined. But even if they don’t go to Hell, he won’t be alone. Angel will be there. Angel said so. And if Angel is there, he’ll be okay. Angel is his sire, and he is the most favored. If that’s all he gets, well, it’s enough.

Lurking No More

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 03:47:55 GMT

I came to the Buffy party very, very late. Actually, I did see the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” film when it came out on video, back in the day. I liked it a lot. I’d always been a fan of Donald Sutherland, and I liked Rutger Hauer, and Paul Rubens was a revelation. I never watched “90210” and particularly didn’t like Dylan. But in the movie, I really liked Luke Perry. A lot. And I did like Kristy Swanson. But I’ve always been a sucker for blondes.

When the television series came on, I stayed away. In my adult life I can only follow one, or at most two, shows a season. It’s the thing about kids, and spouse, and job, and house. You know how it goes. I must have been watching something else those years, because I didn’t start watching Buffy until after James Marsters did his guest spot on “Andromeda”. It was during the summer when FX was showing two Buffy episodes back to back at 5:00 and 6:00 that I started watching the BTVS series. I’d get home from work as one episode was just finishing and watch through to the end of second one with my kids. To this day, I think there’s at least one episode from each season that I haven’t seen, or haven’t seen all of, because it never cycled through when I was at home.

I generally liked all of the characters, although some more than others. I liked Giles. I liked Anya. I liked Buffy, although I didn’t love her. I didn’t really love any one character in particular, until somewhere along the line I became a Spike fan. I think it was when I watched “Intervention”. The episode came back from commercial, Spike was chained to the ceiling of Glory’s apartment, Glory was torturing him and he was taking it, and it was all over for me. I guess that sums me up pretty well. Kinks, anyone?

So after a summer of catching up, it was the end of Season 6. I saw a rerun of OMWF and then I watched the last couple of Angel Season 3 episodes. I remember telling my daughter that there was no way we were getting hooked on that show too. Of course it was already too late: when Season 4 rolled around, I was right there watching the season premier.

I didn’t really like Angel until I started watching ATS. Now I do. Obviously. When Spike joined the cast in Season 5, it was like we were given a gift. I am still mourning the loss of Season 6, and how the two of them might have….well, you know.

So like RomanyG wrote in “Why I Ship Spike/Angel”, I went out to the internet to find more. More Spike and more Angel and, just more. I wasn’t looking for fan fiction – god, no. That couldn’t be any good. Gaack. Shudder. I was looking for pictures, and on Google Images I found a manip called “Afterglow” that linked back to the ‘Bound by Blood’ site. I had to look, didn’t I? I didn’t even know what slash was, although I figured it out quickly enough. I tiptoed around that site a bit and read “Reminder” by Bridie. I quickly ended up on Lady Mol’s ‘Love That Dares’ site. I think by the time I got there she’d posted “Balancing Act”, but not the sequel. The first of her longer works I read was “Protective Custody”, and how does that one start? Oh, it starts with Angel knocking Spike out, tying him up, dragging him to LA, and imprisoning him in the Hyperion. Oh yeah.

I spent the next couple of years reading all of the Spangel I could find. When I’d pretty much exhausted everything posted on website, I ended up on LiveJournal where all of the new stuff seems to be going these days. There’s so much here of quality – it’s very exciting. I like to send feedback but couldn’t get comfortable with doing so anonymously. The only way to fix that problem was to join up, which I have done. I still don’t know how to work this darned thing very well (that’s my age showing), but I’m trying to learn some new skills. At least now I can give feedback for all of the great reads I’ve been getting.

Back in the Dark Ages, I was an English major. I’m pretty good at editing punctuation and the like, so one of these days I might offer myself as a Beta…. To give myself a little bit of cred, I wrote a short ficlet that I’ll post one of these days soon. It’s not slash – it’s almost not even Spangel, but it’s something I wanted to address. I’m working on a list of favorite fics that I’ll put out soon, just so you know I’m not a neophyte. Just a former lurker.